Improving Marriage God's Way

A soft Florida breeze caressed the group of family and friends gathered under moss-covered trees. It was a lovely day, sunny, but not too hot. As the music began, she took his arm and the two slowly walked along the walkway between rows of guests gathered to witness the ceremony. The preacher waited with a smile as they made their way deliberately toward the gazebo where words of love and commitment would mark this day. While much of what was said and seen characterized a wedding, this was not an ordinary joining of two before God. It was the reaffirmation of a joining which actually took place a half century earlier. It was all of those intervening happy and fulfilling years together that had moved them toward this historic day.

On October 13, 2007, under the Florida sky and before God and a company of their family and close friends, John and Barbara Roberts celebrated fifty years of happy and fruitful marriage, restated their commitment to one another and promised marital love and devotion to no other for as long as they both should live.

Is it reasonable to call such an event historic? It doesn’t seem too unreasonable. During each year of the Roberts’ marriage, there were four to five divorces for every ten marriages in our nation. The divorce rate of second and third marriages is even worse. Many young people, aware of the high divorce rate and the shocking incidence of unhappy marriages, have opted to skip the ceremony. Over the last forty years plus of the Roberts’ marriage, the number of couples living together outside of wedlock has increased an appalling 30% per year. One of every four children in our society is a product of a broken home, a great number of them psychologically marked by the trauma of divorce. A couple concluding fifty years of wedded bliss is certainly not unique, but it is rare, and all such marriages based on God’s principles stand as a monument to His wisdom and their faithfulness, a monument worth emulation by all who desire a peaceful and happy marriage.

Is it possible for all marriages to be like the Roberts’? The answer is a resounding “yes!” If each married couple would only reshape their relationship according to Biblical principles – defining the roles of husband and wife, setting the standard of commitment one to the other, governing give and take, establishing what constitutes effective communication, and teaching how to resolve conflicts – their life together could not help but get better and better. It should not surprise any who believe in a creative God that His Word offers the best and most practical formula for life together. He made us; He knows what is best for us.

Many of the principles taught in the Bible can actually be learned from self-help books on marriage, which are available in your local bookstore. While reading them often helps, the Bible is the best book on the subject. Any worthwhile advice of men for improving human relations – wholehearted commitment, effective communication, conflict resolution, investing in your partner – is based upon that which the Holy Spirit revealed to inspired men long ago. The one key to a great marriage that is left unsaid by most human counselors is the Biblical roles of husband and wife. By inspiration of the Spirit, the apostle Paul stated the Lord’s desires clearly in Ephesians 5: “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church;…” (vs. 23) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,…” (vs. 25) “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (vs. 22) “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” (vs. 24) It is unfortunate that the world has missed the power and the beauty of a husband who is a loving leader and a wife submitted to her husband’s leadership, each complementing the other in all they do.

A godly husband willingly accepts the responsibility for making decisions that are for the spiritual edification of his wife and children, and conducts his affairs in a way that sacrifices self for the good of the others. His wife submits to his leadership in the Lord, and in the process not only helps him achieve that which is good but demonstrates to all who know her what all in Christ need to learn – submission.

A careful study of the Savior in the Gospels shows Him to always be the loving leader, yet always in submission to the Father and sacrificing Himself for others. Would you like to see Jesus? You can, of course, by reading of His journey here on earth in the four gospel messages. But you can also see Him in the beautiful relationship of a godly husband (the loving leader) and a godly wife (the submissive helper). God bless all married couples striving to live according to His pattern, who are showing us the Savior.

The way to better marriages in not only clearly stated in Scripture, it is proven. Many today believe they can increase changes for a lastly union by practicing before making the commitment. Not only is sex outside marriage a sin, it doesn’t make better marriages. Living together before marriage to prove compatibility has been proven ineffective. One study of 3,300 married couples found that those who cohabit before marriage have a 46% higher chance of dissolution than those who do not live together before the wedding. Further, several studies have shown that examination of the couple before marriage can identify with 80-94% accuracy which marriages will succeed and which will end in divorce. Is it any wonder that ministers of some major denominations of Christianity will not marry a couple who has not gone through several weeks of examination and counseling? It is the author’s view that all preachers and elders of the Lord’s church should adopt this position. There are too many unhappy marriages among those who profess to carefully follow the New Testament pattern. And, unfortunately, when the marriage of two Christians begins to have serious problems and heads for disaster, the faith of one or both is often weakened or even wrecked.

As the disciples of Jesus Christ, our mission is to not only teach the lost but to demonstrate by our lives the efficacy of God’s way in all aspects of life. It is imperative that we work to have happy marriages, not only for our own well-being, but for the good of our children and all of those we may influence. In the face of Satan’s assault against our marriages, what can preachers and leaders of the Lord’s church do? Two things: 1) Include in the curriculum for both the adults and teens classroom instruction on God’s way to build and maintain a godly marriage, and 2) Insist that every young couple that comes to be married, first successfully complete several hours of pre-marital examination and counseling.

The Lord has given us His Word to light the way, and He has equipped His church with elders, preachers and teachers. He has given all we need. We dare not fail to use these resources to strengthen our marriages. The church can be no stronger than the marriages found within it.

That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun.
- Ecclesiastes 1:9

Get Ready, Get Set, I Do...
By Charlie Brackett